Soviet spies have been spotted among us. They have been sabotaging our new decade. It was the spies who hijacked the submarine that knocked the cap of the oil spill. It was the spies who blew the rig up in the first place. It was the spies who were elected president. Behind that uncomfortable Obama veneer, lies a group of miniature Soviet spies pulling levers. Other notable crimes: the volcano, economic crisis, Greek debt crisis, healthcare reform, US soccer team loss.
They lived among us, wore shirts and pants, socks and shoes.
It was like Avatar in reverse. It was like the Blindside except the football player kills Sandra Bullock and her family. It was like Toy Story 3 where the toys pretend to be inanimate and then jump on the child and drags it off to a communist bunker where they try to make it talk using blowtorches.
It’s time for Americans to act—it’s time for fathers to move their loving families to strategic locations in and around the U.S.S.R. in order to sabotage the saboteurs. In no way must we be associated with the federal government, which is under Soviet control. We must blend in, which should be easy enough, since the world speaks English, eats at McDonalds, and loves America. Learning Soviet would only slow us down. We should report the information we gather to local and state governments, which I am certain are still independent of the U.S.S.R. In 10 years time, top level officials will reconvene and start to organize state militias. Then the fight between Family and Soviet can begin. Good luck and God bless.
In all honesty, and that means something coming from a spy like me, this may be one of my favorite posts.
The best part is the Blind side reference; just as the the football player killed Bullock, that killed me. Genius.
Glad to hear it. Very suspicious of Bullock and what she might have hushed up if I’m going to be truthful.